Editor’s note: “Country Club Adjacent” is a new series from comedian and golf enthusiast Jake Adams

The only thing lower than my GPA in high school was my handicap, so golf college seemed like a no-brainer. I never put any effort into high school, mostly because I spent the majority of my time on a golf course and the rest trying to fit in and be “cool.” Which, for me, meant asking to use the bathroom every period so I could go put water in my hair, because “cool kids” had wet hair. When I got older I realized that the “cool kids” were probably just using gel.

I first learned about the school during an informercial on the Golf Channel. In my defense, I was high and it was late at night. But instead of spending 200 bucks on a steam cooker, I committed two years of my life to a college where none of the credits transferred to any other college. Also, isn’t it every young boy’s dream to get a “specialized associates degree in golf management?” Additionally, the Professional Golfers Career College has the word college in it, so technically that satisfied my parents’ wants and needs.

I moved 3,000 miles away from where I grew up on Cape Cod to Temecula, California, to attend golf college. Looking back, it probably would’ve been beneficial to research the school beforehand…Like, at all.

The campus was an industrial building with a giant golf ball statue in the parking lot. It felt like if Devry offered golf. I immediately regretted all of my life choices. Why did I spend so much time in my boy Sean’s basement formatting texts to girls instead of applying myself in high school? The good news was, I didn’t have to worry about that at that moment, because no girl wants to text a guy who has to wear golf clothes to school every day. Also, I was in Temecula, so everyone loved God and was married at age 19.

It was the fall of 2009 and there were 40-plus students in my grade. The largest turnout yet for the college. A big year. All the professors were pumped, and by “professors” I mean old white dudes with a real passion for the game of golf. I don’t think anyone was actually certified. My theory was that golf is expensive and they were just trying to get some free rounds in.

Class was from 8 a.m. to noon Monday-Friday, and then we could play golf the rest of the day at one of the many course options. That part admittedly was pretty sweet. The first thing we would do in the morning was check the board to see what courses we could play that afternoon. Next on the agenda was spending four hours wondering if anyone actually thought this was a good life choice. But the free golf was enough to distract us from our existential crisis.

Everyone took the same classes, and they all had something to do with golf. Business of golf. Psychology of golf. Techniques of the golf swing. Rules of golf. We even studied calligraphy, so we could stand out when it came to drawing on scoreboards. Our only math requirement was to know how to count to 72 and use an eraser.

In my third semester, we finally had an assignment that didn’t have to do with golf. I remember researching the Bilderberg Group and the Trilateral Commission, which are both basically subsidiaries of the Illuminati. It made me realize there is so much more to life than learning how to pleat your pants. If I stay at this college my worldview will be very limited. I had to get out.

I wanted to go to UCLA, but somehow the A+ I received in my Rules of Golf class wasn’t enough. So I went to Community College where I studied film and started my career as a stand-up comedian.

Looking back, I think what subconsciously attracted me to the school was the fact that growing up I was the freest on the golf course. No parental guidelines, no restrictions; I really felt like I could be myself, and that’s when I was being the funniest. My mistake was thinking that golf and golf college were my passions, when in reality the actual golf was secondary to the freedom felt in just being myself. The lesson was to take that freedom and apply it to my life as a whole, not just on the back nine.

In summary, you can attend the Professional Golfers Career College, spend tens of thousands of dollars to learn everything there is to know about the golf industry to one day fulfill your dreams of being able to work at a golf course, or—I’m not sure if you know this, because I definitely didn’t—but you can just go work at a golf course.