This past weekend, I participated in the first tournament of the Portland, Ore. season. It’s called the Iceberg Open and is a two-day event that typically is held in heavy downpours and generally inclement weather. This year there was a pleasant break in the Portland winter and the Open was held on almost golf-like weathered days.

It was the sixth tournament I have ever entered and a good way to kick off the season. Last year my first tourney was in mid-April at Pumpkin Ridge Golf Course and was a nerve-wracking experience where a film crew from ABC “Nightline,” a local CBS affiliate, my own camera crew and an Associated Press writer all followed intently interested in how I would perform on the first big day out. At the time, I had only played golf with a full set of clubs for 3.5 months and was as nervous as humanly possible while playing the game. It’s not exactly the same scale, but I knew what Rory must have felt like on his final round at the 2011 Masters. Okay, that’s stretching it a bit, but it was pressure unlike I had ever felt before in the game.

This go around I was (not going to lie) nervous to tee it up, but far calmer than 11 months prior. I had put in about 1,000 more practice hours since teeing it at Pumpkin Ridge and knew that I was a way more capable golfer. The first tee shot, though, was a blast of uncertainty.

The back story: I had been struggling with my driver for the past few months, maybe ever since first swinging a driver on Nov. 12, 2011, and had been trying out different types to see what best fit my swing. Nike had provided my original gear and had fit me for one of its VRS drivers, but it never felt right to me. Despite not having ever swung anything other than a couple Nike drivers, I just knew deep down that something wasn’t right. To experiment, I picked up a TaylorMade RBZ driver with a Rul 60-gram shaft and for a while it felt great. But, four months and countless workout sessions later, both on the range and in the gym, the tip of that shaft was feeling like a bull whip and it was time to move on in my driver quest to something a bit stiffer.

Last month I went down to Titleist to get a wedge fitting at Oceanside (see my blog for a full debriefing on that experience) and while there I got to play a round with the new Titleist 913 with a Graphite Design Tour AD-6x shaft in it. I had literally never swung anything that felt so good and immediately I trusted it to produce the results that I thought it should. Granted, the X was a bit too stiff for me, as I swing the driver at about 105 mph, but the overall feel was incredible. I returned to Portland and knew that I needed to find my driver. I tried everything, but couldn’t find that feel that I had with the 913. My home course, Columbia Edgewater Country Club, was scheduled to get the 913 lefties in soon so I was waiting for its arrival to try what I thought would be the driver for me. I had almost four weeks until the Iceberg Open and assumed that it would come in time to try out for the tourney. But, the demo lefty never showed up and a few days before the tourney I was still without a driver that I trusted or enjoyed hitting.

Thursday before the tourney, I pulled out a demo TaylorMade R1 with an Oban Devotion shaft. The demo day fitters set it up to be 2-degrees open and toe heavy to help the face shut, which seemed a little odd to me, but they were the fitters to I trusted them to do their job. That day it hit all right and I figured it was good enough to stick in the bag, but the next day I couldn’t hit it to save my life.

My tee shots both on the course and on the range were all over the place and I was mystified as to why. I decided to sleep on it and had dreams throughout the night about missing drives into water and forests. Not the way you want to wake up the morning of the first tournament. My tee time was 10:45 a.m., so I went to the range in the morning to warm up before heading to Rose City. I worked through all my clubs and felt good then pulled out the big stick. Again I could not hit it. Nothing seemed to work and at this point it didn’t matter if it was the driver or the swing as I had zero confidence in either one. Not knowing what to do I switched the heads and stuck an RBZ on the Devotion shaft. Still nothing. With 30 minutes until my tee time and a 20-minute drive to the club, I had to make a decision: Leave the driver out of the bag or run home and grab my old Nike.

I never particularly liked the Nike, but I did know its profile and knew my misses with it. Having that knowledge I felt that it was the smarter move to grab it for the longer holes. Another slight issue was that I didn’t have a 3-wood and my longest club in the bag besides driver was a 3-hybrid. That’s an entirely different story, though, and one that remedied itself the day after the event. With just a few minutes to spare, I grabbed the Nike and headed to the Iceberg, making it there in time to roll a few putts then kick of tournament golfing season here in Portland.

What would be surprising at this point is if I hit the ball halfway decent with the driver. I’d totally destroyed any confidence I may have ever had with it and basically committed one of the seven deadly sins by switching up so many things literally the hour before my tee time. To recap the front nine: On No. 1, pulled the driver right. On No. 2 hooked it hard right. On No. 4, sliced it short left. On No. 6, blocked it far left. On No. 7, pull hooked it right. On No. 9, pulled it into the trees right. By the time I made the turn I had successfully missed every drive by a significant amount of space and was getting worn down from punching the ball out so many times.

On the back, I put the big stick away for good and decided to tee it with the 3-hybrid. I birdied No. 10 and was off to a much better start. All in all, I shot 6-over on the front and 3-over on the back, all of those back 9 strokes caused by non-tee shot related swings.

The good news is that an 81 tied the best I had ever shot in a tournament round and last year when I carded that score on one of the eight tourney rounds that I played in, it was by the skin of my yellow country teeth. This go around I kind of shot myself in the foot before the first swing, but still pulled off a tied personal record tourney round.

For both rounds I relied on my new Vokey wedges and SeeMore putter to score. I missed more than my share of fairways and greens, but scrambled well and knowing that is possible is a huge boost of confidence for the overall game. I had 25 putts the first day and 26 the second. A lot of that is because I only hit about 10 greens in regulation during 36 holes, but sometime you just don’t hit the ball well and you still have to find a way to get it in the hole. I shot an 81 on the second day when the course was set up much harder and was happy to have tied my record tourney round twice in a row. It was good enough for seventh place net, which managed to pay $225.

What did I learn from this experience? It doesn’t matter what you put in your bag, it matters how much you trust what’s in the bag. It is crucial to have the right gear, and there is nothing more right than a club that you love. I love my wedges and my putter and whenever they are in my hands I feel like I’m going to make the shot. With the driver there is no feel right now. When I get it out of the bag I can’t help but think “Where are you going to go this time?” The game is hard enough on it’s own, why make it harder with doubt?

I have decided that in order for me to develop the most trust in my clubs I need to return to Oceanside, Calif., for a full club fitting at Titleist. I was blown away by the wedge fitting that I had there last month and can’t imagine entrusting the rest of my sticks to anyone but the best. I booked a date to head back there for a full fitting on April 25. Until then, I will continue to play around with different drivers as well as work on my timing as I know that is a crucial part when the ball starts heading both left and right.

It has taken me about a year to realize how important gear is in this wonderful game. The biggest realization I have had during that time is that building a trusting relationship with each stick is crucial to being the best golfer you can be. I’m glad for this experience and despite the fact that I coulda/woulda/shoulda, I learned a ton from last weekend and am going to be a better golfer from that experience.