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Why fair is the wrong adjective for golf

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You’ll no doubt hear anyone within earshot of an interview this week describe Royal Birkdale as a fair test of golf, perhaps the fairest Open rota test of them all. Please dismiss the speaker as hopelessly tethered to a misconception of epic size.

Golf is not fair. You know it. We can fit our equipment, our apparel, even the courses we play, to take advantage of conditions, but we can never make it fair. In fact, nothing in life is fair, but that’s a topic for Monday’s water cooler or Friday’s happy hour.

Good breaks on the golf course are meant to be celebrated, as are bad ones. We envy the former and we commiserate with the later. We’ve enjoyed one and suffered the other. It is not different with golfing professionals, and if they want it that way, tough beans. They cannot, and should not, have “fair” ever enter the equation.

Have you ever played a farmland course during a drought? That’s links golf. When your fairways are burned to a crisp, yellow like wheat. When the soil seems parched and the dust creeps up slightly, you’ve got the perfect conditions for links golf. Take your putter from 70 yards out and give it a whack. It will bound this way, trundle that. It will hop, skip, carom, ricochet, and might even take unintentional flight. And it will be a wonderful breath of distinction from the game you normally encounter.

If golf were fair, balls would not glance off hazard and out-of-bounds stakes, back into play. Balls would not enter golf holes and spin out, sometimes into hazards. Or would they? Who determines fair? The one who was punished, or the one who was rewarded?

Friends more elegant and eloquent have commented on the nuances that keep golf interesting. They say that uneven lies, unfortunate weather, and unexpected conditions should separate the proper champion from the pretender. I agree. I empathize with tournament players on the wrong side of the draw, but them’s the breaks!

Remember this. A fellow who drains a 45-foot putt on the 72nd green some two hours before the final pairing reaches that same putting surface should not be in contention. A leader who plays a splendid iron into that surface should not be dealt a chip from beyond the green. If golf were fair, Tom Watson would have six Open championships, and Stewart Cink, none.

Now, go out and play some unfair golf. And have an unfair blast the entire round.

Ronald Montesano writes for GolfWRX.com from western New York. He dabbles in coaching golf and teaching Spanish, in addition to scribbling columns on all aspects of golf, from apparel to architecture, from equipment to travel. Follow Ronald on Twitter at @buffalogolfer.

19 Comments

19 Comments

  1. Ronald Montesano

    Jul 20, 2017 at 10:00 am

    So USA!!

    Going to other countries for golf is only part of the opportunity. You get a taste of their style of course condition, but if you don’t golf with locals and imbibe their opinions and attitudes, the taste is unsatisfying.

    Your observations are spot on. Keep commenting!

  2. Matt

    Jul 20, 2017 at 3:10 am

    No such thing as ‘unfair’ in golf. If I want a score that has any relationship to par, or to approach/better my official handicap for that matter, then it’s fair to expect I’ll be challenged by both the course and my lack of ability to advance the ball perfectly. Isn’t that challenge the whole point?

  3. Double Mocha Man

    Jul 19, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    Wait a minute! That’s me, but I have a 2.8 handicap. So it is true of everyone… though my clubs are 7 years old. And the cart girl can never show up soon enough.

  4. james rebey

    Jul 19, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    That is not what they mean by fair. They are speaking to all the field has a shot at winning by playing their game, not just the bombers .

    • Ronald Montesano

      Jul 20, 2017 at 9:56 am

      That’s an angle, for sure. If it’s what the talking heads mean, then there is certainly marrow to that bone.

  5. Lloyd

    Jul 19, 2017 at 6:25 pm

    But some of what he says is true.

  6. Double Mocha Man

    Jul 19, 2017 at 5:30 pm

    Ron, with respect to that drought-stricken farmland course I thought you were going to say something about the 310 yard drive you hit that rolls forever. And that would be fair. And then that wedge you hit into the extra-firm green (brown) that rolls well over the back. That would be unfair.

    • Ronald Montesano

      Jul 20, 2017 at 9:58 am

      No, because that would be taking advantage of a good result while bemoaning a bad one (unless you wanted a short drive and to be chipping from behind the putting surface.)

      I do appreciate your writing, 2XMocha.

  7. Matt-78

    Jul 19, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    I definitely appreciate the article Ronald and agree on the whole that golf should not be considered fair. However, I see the two uses of the word “fair” in the article to be different. For example, when I hear a pro say that a particular course is “a fair test”, what I hear is that it isn’t overly punishing for certain misses or doesn’t reward only one type of shot. However, the sentiment “golf isn’t fair” in my mind refers to the fact that sometimes good shots are punished and bad shots are rewarded. This is true even on the easiest courses. Sometimes your piped drive finds a muddy divot when you hacker buddy’s slice finds an opening, etc. Like when the tree seed fell into Phil’s putt line while he was putting. This is just my .02 though.

    • Ronald Montesano

      Jul 20, 2017 at 10:04 am

      Your pennies are well received, Matt-78.

      There is much to the term, which is why its bland, banal nature is ineffective. We should strive for greater accuracy in our use of language. #NoDumbDownHere

      The test of what we all take to be fair, or just, or deserved, will always be open for discussion, debate and disagreement. All athletic endeavors have similar moments, be it sweat on the hardwood, a sun’s ray in the eyes, or a loose piece of carpet on the football field.

      Let’s not even bring up the impact of referees!

  8. BlubberButt

    Jul 19, 2017 at 11:22 am

    Ronald doesn’t seem to know what the word “fair” means… I get the sentiment and the feeling you’re trying to evoke from the reader, but you picked the wrong word to center the article around. Everything you listed in your article are examples of how golf is actually fair. Physics doesn’t favor one person over the other. Neither does the weather or course design. Maybe the word you meant was “easy”. Like, “Why Easy is the Wrong Adjective for Golf”. The “good and bad breaks” you describe are just the results of the golfer’s actions.

    • BlubberButt

      Jul 19, 2017 at 11:25 am

      Or perhaps “predictable”. “Why predictable is the wrong adjective for golf”.

      • Ronald Montesano

        Jul 19, 2017 at 12:50 pm

        Your word choices are transparent and finite. “Fair” is neither, which is why so many commentators and tournament professionals default to it, and also why I selected it from the lexicon. The euphemism was chosen by the wizard, not the other way around. Any motion on my part to alter the terminology would have been disingenuous.

        • BlubberButt

          Jul 20, 2017 at 12:16 pm

          Apparently your vocabulary rich with polysyllabic words is not an indication of your ability to follow a line a logic. Even if you want to stick with the original terminology provided (“fair”), that doesn’t change the fact that everything about golf is, in fact, fair. The commentators, or “wizards” are correct, and your entire article is saying that somehow it is not fair. It seems like you want to distort the word “fair” to mean something else in order to make your article (although it more accurately amounts to a blog post) hold water. You say “If golf were fair, balls would not glance off hazard and out-of-bounds stakes, back into play. Balls would not enter golf holes and spin out, sometimes into hazards.” Those things don’t make golf unfair. They’re just the results of physics and a golfer’s actions. They’re completely fair.

    • Ronald Montesano

      Jul 19, 2017 at 12:44 pm

      Nope. Fair.

  9. Ronald Montesano

    Jul 19, 2017 at 7:20 am

    Shank fairy strikes again! Don’t know who it is, but always drops in as a +1 in that column. Wouldn’t be the same withoutcha!!

    • Nick Ritacco

      Jul 19, 2017 at 3:58 pm

      Why are you on a golf site?

      • Ronald Montesano

        Jul 20, 2017 at 10:08 am

        Well, he did drop “viscous” and “plethora” during his tirade, so points for those.

        I feel his/her/zee pain, as there is much about the business of golf that can appear to be at odds with the entry to the spiritual that rounds of golf provide.

        Murphy wasn’t off when he wrote about this in Golf In The Kingdom 1 & 2. There is much to gain from our time on the golf fields.

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