If you’ve played golf long enough in one area or at one golf course, surely you’ve become part of a group of guys or gals who you play golf with every so often. It’s a foursome, or maybe more, and you know their golf games, tendencies, attitudes and basically everything about them — because how better to get to know someone than on a golf course?

Well, today we’re in for a treat. In this article, you’ll meet the “four amigos.” They’re a group of guys (who I made up), who represent, in some capacity, the four playing partners in your group. And if you haven’t met any of these four golfers, you either don’t play much golf, only play golf alone, or one of them is YOU!

We meet the four amigos on a Friday night during their weekly Saturday match. Which one is most like you, or your buddies?

Kenny

First up is Kenny, a golfing sociopath. He has his clubs and shoes cleaned, bought three dozen new balls, and has his golfing wardrobe selected, color coordinated and laid out ready for the morning. He has checked the weather forecast and loaded the bag with all the essentials. He had a lesson mid week to dial in his angle of attack and has been practicing all week, preparing for the “the best round of his life.” He’ll be in bed early reading Hogan’s Five Lessons and will be up early for a nutritious breakfast before heading to the club first thing to warm up, hit balls and practice his short game. He’ll play, lunch afterwards at the club and then head back to the range to work on his game for a few hours. He might get a chance to get to the DIY store later to buy new locks for his house just in case his ex comes around and trashes his apartment again! But that can probably wait. He’ll probably just head home for a night on the couch watching the Golf Channel. Kenny dreams of playing the tour some day, but hates the fact that he has to work at the bank to pay the rent.

John

John is also playing tomorrow. His clubs are in the trunk of his car, exactly where he left them after last Saturday’s round. The mud is now fully caked on his irons and there is a nice pungent smell exuding from his FootJoys. He’s out tonight at the bar to watch the game and will have several drinks. He’ll wake up tomorrow with a sore head and throw on whatever clothes are closest to hand. He’ll arrive late coming into the car park on two wheels, screeching to a halt, grab his clubs and run to the tee, coffee in hand. His first swing of a club is his opening tee shot. He’ll munch on a breakfast roll for the first few holes. His triple-bogey, double-bogey start doesn’t surprise anyone, but he comes good toward the end of the round and suggests to his group that next week he’ll take things easy the night before… until he realizes that it’s Chad’s bachelor party next Friday. Kenny hates John, as he has natural talent, and he knows that if John wised up he could beat Kenny with one arm tied behind his back. But John cares less about golf; he just enjoys playing each Saturday with his buddies. He knows that when he does eventually settle down some time in the future, he can focus a little more on his game.

Harry

Harry is not sure if he can play tomorrow or not. He still has to run it past the wife and thinks at best he’s only a 50-percent chance. He might be able to swing it if he’s up early enough to mow the grass and collect the kids from soccer beforehand. Each week he finds most of his clubs in the garage scattered around by his kids, and he just throws what he can find in the back seat, as his truck is full of prams and kids’ stuff. He’s keen to get going and plays the entire round glancing at his watch and cell phone to check for updates from his “better half.” Occasionally, he’ll have to take a call to explain to the wife that he’s nearly finished and that it is “so damn slow out here today.” After the game he runs for the car, shouting “see you guys next week.” He has a lot of catching up to do when he gets home, as the wife heads out the door for some “me time.” Harry hates Kenny and John; where do they get the time for all this drinking and playing golf, he wonders?

Eric

Eric is definitely not playing tomorrow. Since last Saturday, he now hates golf and all that it has done to his life. He used to enjoy playing with Harry, John and Kenny, but his game is in the toilet right now. He has tried lessons and new clubs to no avail. He is now at counseling and thinking about taking up cycling. But he comes around late on Friday night after realizing that it’s his grip that’s been his “achilles heel,” according to Golf Digest. So he decides to give it one last shot, and he sheepishly shows up for his Saturday tee time “again,” knowing that he’s going to get a roasting “again” from the other three. After three holes, Eric is openly discussing committing harakiri with his driver. By the 9th, he announces that he’ll be taking a break for a few months. And by the 18th he has run out of expletives, blaming the weather, oil prices and his new potassium-rich diet for his poor shots. Eric hates everyone, but he secretly loves being the focus for attention. And they all know he’ll be back the following Saturday!

In fact, they all will.