I’m not a big fan of “found footage” movies, though they seem to be becoming more and more common these days.

I suppose it started with the “Blair Witch Project,” which some moviegoers at first actually took for true events. “Paranormal activity” has had a nice run of four or five movies. Then of course there was J.J. Abrams’ much anticipated letdown “Cloverfield,” or the more recent teen romp flick “Project X.” A quick search through the list of found footage films reveals something pretty quickly: most of them are of the horror genre.

This gets me thinking, you know what else is somewhat horrific? Being an obsessed golfer and living in the north. Almost makes me think it’s worth it to move into a San Diego house that has an evil supernatural force, provided I can play golf 12 months a year. It also makes me think about what a “found diary” of a northern golfer would be like, if I did decided to pick up and head for warmer climates. In 2012, it went something like this for me:

January 10: Has it really been two months since I stopped playing golf? Well, time to start getting back into shape. I’m not missing it too much really, I mean maybe a little bit. OK, maybe a lot. But the PGA Tour is starting up, Kapalua and all that. Maybe I’ll take a vacation south in February or March. No problem, my wife likes having me around on weekends. Hey, maybe I’ll fix that closet door where the hinge is broken. Yup, no problem.

January 24: First trip to the golf dome did not go so well. I mean why do the golf mats have to be like two inches off what equates to the rough? I feel like I could fit my entire club under the ball without even touching it. Who designs mats like this? Have they ever even played golf? And it’s not like you can hit it off the part you stand on — that is basically concrete. I mean, I took a few swings off that and almost shattered my elbow. Not sure I am getting much out of this but I suppose it’s better than nothing. I mean sure, I can read where my 9-iron probably would have gone even though it hit the ceiling after 40 yards. And my driver barely started fading before hitting the wall that’s 90 yards away. Sigh. Stay positive. Maybe I’ll just play virtual golf.

February 12: First virtual golf game under my belt. Was nice to hang out with my golf buddies again who I haven’t seen since November (who knew we had essentially zero in common in real life? I mean, I’ve played with Mike for years and didn’t know what he did for a living until today, although I did notice he had a new grind on his sand wedge though and changed the shaft on his 3 wood in the fall). OK, so what is the deal with that monitor? I have not hit a draw in my entire life and that thing had me hitting hooks off every tee. We set gimmies to eight feet and I think I chipped five balls to 8-feet, 1-inch. I hate that monitor, it is not realistic at all. Not to mention I didn’t make a single putt all day on top of that. Also, it sure was nice playing Pebble Beach but um, I’m pretty sure they changed No. 5 about 10 years ago, and the fake bird noises from the system didn’t make me feel like I was live in Monterey. This is getting bad.

March 5: Game is really not working right now. It’s probably not the mats, definitely not. Probably my clubs. TaylorMade, Callaway and Ping all have some new stuff out. Saturday I’ll take my driver and 3-wood to GolfTown and test it against the new offerings

March 11: Well, the original equipment manufacturers really have outdone themselves this year. I hit the new Callaway three yards longer with 100rpm less spin than my old Nike and my dispersion was a few yards tighter too. This is going to make a huge difference on the course this year. On Nos. 7 and 10, I might be hitting 8-iron into them instead of a 7-iron. Oh boy, this is going to be a good year. And the 3 wood? I averaged 256 yards with the new TaylorMade as oppose to 251 with my old Cleveland. Prepare to bow down, par 5s. Wait, could I reach those par 5s anyway? Who cares. This year is going to be great.

March 25: Might be playing golf in less then a month. Time to start working on my putting. Got my Odyssey putting mat in the closet. I’ll work on it while watching the next golf tournament on CBS — just gotta make sure to lock the dog in the other room so he doesn’t chase the ball after every putt. One month to go.

April 7: A snowstorm? Are you kidding me? It’s April. Where is this snow coming from? What is the temperature next week? Will the snow melt quickly enough? This probably means I’m looking at early May now. This is ridiculous, May. I saw grass last weekend and now this. I don’t know how much more of this I can take, I don’t care about WGC events, the Masters. Whatever. Next year I am moving to Florida.

April 25: Courses are opening next week, and I just watched Bubba Watson win the Masters and Louie Ousthuizen make a double eagle. Life is good. Have a few friends I’m going to play with and there’s a course around here that always opens early in the year. Forecast calling for lows of 37 degrees Fahrenheit, but 52 in the afternoon. Rob says he isn’t playing if it’s cold. Isn’t playing if it’s cold? Is he kidding? I am guessing it is going to be cold. I don’t care if I’m a single, I’m going.

May 3: Played my first round of the year at a real cow pasture. Ended up being just me and Dave. Rob did cancel because it was 37 degrees in the morning, which of course was the forecast. Why would he even book if he knew he wouldn’t show up? Did he think it would be 75 degrees? Well the round itself wasn’t bad. I left my first putt 17 feet short and stubbed about seven chips. Other then that, hit the ball pretty well. Can’t wait for my course to open.

May 25: Few rounds under my belt. New driver and 3-wood really not working. Turns out three yards on the course really isn’t that much, and I’ve missed about 100 fairways already. Why did I switch when I was killing it with my driver last November? That’s it. I’m switching back. I wonder how many boxes of balls I can get as a trade in for the new stuff.

June 13: Finally starting to dial in my irons, actually hitting some greens these days. Distance control improving, I mean, I’m not blowing the ball 30 yards over a green anymore. Chipping is getting a bit better. I finally made it a full round without chunking one. Game is starting to come around, regularly shooting my handicap. Still not that great on the five footers, but I’ve got interclub tryouts soon so I better start getting to the course early and practicing that. I can’t believe it’s only June. I can play for like five more months. Life is good.

July 7: Played 36 today. Sun is setting at like 8:30 p.m. — this is awesome. I have been able to play one or two times a week after work as well as on weekends. If the course isn’t that busy, either. I can get a full 18 in after work no problem. Shot a 70 the other day. Irons are totally dialed in, putting is as good as it’s ever been and so is my chipping. Everything is working. Playing in a weekly skins match on Sundays with the other “A” players. Got our club match play coming up, the partners tournament with handicap. So much going on. A non-golf friend invited me out for his birthday Friday night. Probably won’t go though, I have to get up early for a round on Saturday

July 25: It was 100 degrees today. Are you kidding me? I think I lost about 12 pounds of sweat out there. Golf season is in full swing here now. You basically can’t play after 9 a.m. or it’s a five-hour round. Public courses are no better after 5 p.m. Can’t believe how hot it is. Bought a beer after nine holes today and it was warm by No. 11. Not cool.

August 20: Hmmmm, didn’t finish my round after work today. When did it get dark a month ago? It’s only 7:30 p.m. Why is it so dark? Is this something I should be worrying about? I have keep my eye on this.

September 9: Something is definitely wrong here. Can’t necessarily play rounds after work anymore. It’s getting darker by the time I get to No. 15 no matter how fast I go. Club championship is over. Did this whole season just fly by? I’m playing my best golf of the season. This can’t be happening. Forecast is calling for rain on Saturday, I don’t care I am playing no matter what. Next weekend my wife’s friend who I don’t even know has a wedding; I have to miss a friggin’ weekend in September for some girl I don’t even know? I’m playing this weekend no matter what. End of story. The wedding next week is at 1 p.m.? I think I can fit in nine before that.

September 21: Guys are disappearing from the club. I feel like I am in a horror movie where guys just vanish and no one knows what is going on. Have not seen Mark in a couple of weeks, ditto for Kevin. Did these guys pack it in for the season already? I can wait until Friday at 4 p.m. and still have a dozen spots open on Saturday morning. What a bunch of chumps, there is still a good couple of months left. Should I keep working on putting? I guess not. No more tournaments, we are officially in three-foot gimme season. Hello 71s.

October 6: It was 43 degrees when I woke up this morning. I got up and put on a short sleeve shirt and shorts. Then when I stepped outside, I almost froze to death. This is too soon right? It wasn’t this cold at this time last year was it? I didn’t even have a jacket in my locker or car yet. I mean until No. 5, I was basically jogging to my ball just to stay warm. Last week it was 75 for my round. I am not happy.

October 28: The club is like a ghost town, I don’t even bother signing up for rounds anymore. Rob again told me he wasn’t going to play this past weekend if it was cold. The forecast was calling for 40 degrees all week. I told him, “I don’t think it’s going to be shorts weather.” He texted me Saturday morning to say it’s cold and he wasn’t playing. I’m not going to bother even asking him next week, I’ll just play alone. By the way, I’m killing it out there these days, three straight rounds under 75. Why does this always happen this time of year? Does the cold weather take sidespin off my ball? I can’t miss a fairway or green. Hopefully I got a few more weeks of this.

November 10: I don’t recognize half the people at my club. I think there might be a separate membership for just November. Who are these guys? They are great and fun to play with. I mean most guys finish a round in 2.5 hours. But who are these people? I swear of the 20 people I see every morning, I don’t think I recognize any of them from July. Also, they punched the greens this week. So much for 2012. I had about eight three-putts.

November 22: The course looks like a homeless shelter, people lining up for coffee wearing layers of stuff I think they just found in their closets. All we do these days is play scrambles for $5 or $10. There’s maybe 20 guys at the club from week to week. I’ve had a nice run —  a good season, played well. Next season will be better, I mean, I’m not even upset it’s over. I can go out on Friday nights again, I’ll see my friends I haven’t seen in a while. Been a nice run. Emptied my locker today and brought everything home. This will be fine.

December 7: What’s my friend Paul’s number again? Haven’t been out to a bar in like five months. I wonder what those guys are up to. I fixed a bunch of stuff around the house, been out to dinner a few times with the wife. A couple of weeks into this thing and I am doing all right. It’s nice sleeping in on the weekends for a change.

December 26: Got a gift certificate to Golftown for Christmas and bought a new driver and 3-wood. It will be how long until I hit them?