Opinion & Analysis

How To Golf With Strangers And Leave With Friends

Published

9 years ago

Mar 25, 2017

Several years back I was playing golf in Hilton Head while on my college spring break. My girlfriend at the time (now my wife) was enjoying a day at the spa, and I snuck over to play Hilton Head National, which I’d saved up for a few months to play. I booked a tee time for around 10 a.m. and did not have a playing partner.

When I arrived at the clubhouse, the pro said he’d pair me with a group of three couples. He told me the women were going to play together and the men were going to play separate and that I could join the men. “Perfect,” I told him.

My new group and I made our way over to the first tee, and I was riding with the oldest man in the group. As he drove the cart from the opening tee box to find his ball, he began asking me about myself. I told him I was on vacation with my girlfriend and she was enjoying her day in the spa. When I told him I was from Kentucky, he gave me a glare that sort of inflicted fear. Then he tipped his sunglasses to the bridge of his nose and looked at me for what seemed like 10 minutes. Then he grinned and slid them back up.

“I’m from Chapel Hill,” he said. “And I help sponsor the golf team at UNC.” I laughed, and he got out to hit his shot.

A few holes later we were talking about the college experience and how I wished I could play more golf, but my grades couldn’t handle it. I hit my approach to the sixth or seventh hole, and when I got back in the cart, he reached his hand out for a handshake. When I shook his hand, I could feel a piece of paper. He held my hand for a moment, and he said, “You know, I like you, kid. I want you to take this and put it behind a picture of your girlfriend. That way, you’ll never be broke. When things get down, just take her to dinner.”

“Ok, I will,” I said. I didn’t look at the bill and stuck it in my pocket. When I got done with the round and made it to my car, I pulled it out of my pocket for the first time. It was a hundred dollar bill. I nearly cried.

As you read this article, know that I’m not saying you need to give everybody you meet on the golf course $100. What I am saying is that there’s a way to play this game with strangers and leave a positive lasting impression. Maybe you’ll even make a lifelong friend.

Here are five tips for turning strangers into friends on the course.

Make Small Talk Early

In 2012, I played a little nine-hole course outside of Tacoma, Washington, called American Lake Veterans Course. The course didn’t take tee times, and there were free golf balls for all who played. As my buddy and I waited in line at the first tee to begin play, two men approached the tee box. We stood off to the side as an older gentleman set up to the golf ball, and the other stood behind him, giving directions. “Little left, little more, little bit more. Alright, you’re good,” the navigator said.

Another man, who donned a straw hat, noticed our attention to the pair and walked over. The older gentleman hit a drive down the left side of the fairway and his partner picked up the tee.

“They are father and son,” the man in the straw hat told us. “The father is legally blind, even with glasses, and his son plays with him three times a week. He lines him up on every shot.” Talk about being flabbergasted.

Be nice and make small talk as soon as you have an opening. It doesn’t necessarily have to be on the first tee box, but if it is, it sets the mood quickly.

My buddy and I ended up playing with the man in the straw hat, and we had a blast. In that situation, we didn’t do anything other than reciprocating small talk, which is the key to getting off on the right foot with strangers.

Be nice and make small talk as soon as you have an opening. It doesn’t necessarily have to be on the first tee box, but if it is, it sets the mood quickly. In golf, there’s a good chance the small talk will take a more in-depth turn soon. Enjoy it, share your worldview if it comes up, but be polite.

If you’re a naturally quiet person, this is a time to try and get out of your shell. Golf is a game of vulnerability; take advantage of the time when you’re out in the open and foster these potential relationships. You never know when you’ll meet someone who sticks with you for years to come.

Avoid Gambling If Possible

You can find a $2 Nassau at most any golf course on a Saturday morning. You’ll never know if the strangers in your group have a moral affliction to gambling, though, so avoid betting unless they bring it up. If they bring it up, and it’s something you’re comfortable with, feel free to join. You might lose a couple of bucks, but you might also break the ice instantly and become part of the group. Or at least it will open it up for more conversation, which is the ultimate goal.

If you do land yourself in a bet, don’t settle the score on the 18th green. It slows down the clearing of the green for the group behind you, and the main thing on the last green should be hand shaking and pleasantries. Pay up in the parking lot. If you win the bet, don’t ask for the money; if they forget, let it go. It’s only a couple bucks. If you lose, pay promptly before loading your bag to leave.

Be Relaxed With The Rules

We all have that friend who starts a stopwatch when you begin looking for a stray tee shot. If you’re that guy, don’t be… at least when you’re playing with strangers. Friendly games are just that; they’re friendly. When you’re playing with strangers, nobody wants to be hassled about whether or not they can take one or two club lengths after an unplayable. Nobody wants to be told, “Hey, you’re supposed to play the ball as it lies” as they’re moving a ball off a root. The rules of golf are complicated, and while they’re currently under some review to remove some of that complexity, it’s easy for situations to become unnecessarily convoluted on the golf course.

If you’re playing with a group of strangers and someone asks your opinion on a rules situation they are in, be honest, but don’t hold their feet to the fire. They are likely seeking your honest opinion, but they don’t need someone to cite the rule for them. Just tell them how you’d play it if you were playing by yourself and move on. A good way to approach rules situations with strangers is never giving your opinion unsolicited.

Control Your Emotions

I have played Chambers Bay twice. Both times were amazing. The first time I played my buddy and I took a caddie, which was a great choice. As we made our way to the first tee, the starter informed us we’d be playing with two other guys who played Chambers a lot. We approached the tee and shook hands with them. It was immediately strange because they were sharing a bag.

At that moment it became clear to us that the clubs belonged to the player who had not thrown the club.

We didn’t think much of it because it wasn’t our business, and they seemed nice enough. The front nine started fine as my buddy and I had an internal match and the other guys sort of did their own thing. On the fourth tee box, one of the other guys in the group hit a tee shot, topping it about 10 feet in front of him. He looked around and put another ball down. He topped the second ball, too, and out of nowhere threw the driver about 50 feet to the side of the tee box. Everybody froze. Our caddies just looked at us and made that I-have-no-idea-what-to-do face.

At that moment it became clear that the clubs belonged to the player who had not thrown the club. The two men got into an argument right there on the tee box. All these years later, it’s funny, but we did not leave the 18th green as friends with those guys.

Control your emotions if you tend to be a hot head on the golf course. The people you’re playing with don’t need to see you throwing clubs or dropping “F” bombs. Relax and enjoy the company.

Be Authentic

It’s easy to try and be something you’re not when you think you’ll never see someone again. It’s not a knock on your character; it’s human nature. But if you’re the kind of person who likes to make friends on the golf course, then the quickest way to do that is to be yourself. I’ve played golf with a lot of people in the last 10 years. Like most people, I can tell when someone isn’t being genuine. It’s not only annoying, but it’s uncomfortable. Not everyone will be your best friend, but you’ll never know if you’ve ruined the chance at a great friendship if you try and be someone you’re not.

—

With the heart of the golf season approaching soon, there will be a lot of folks crowding up tee times in the next few weeks. I’m sure you’ve already got your local games lined up with the people you pick on constantly, but if you find yourself out and about with a last-minute tee time, make the most of those people you’ve never met before. You never know if one of them could be someone that changes your life.

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Adam Crawford

Adam Crawford is a writer of many topics but golf has always been at the forefront. An avid player and student of the game, Adam seeks to understand both the analytical side of the game as well as the human aspect - which he finds the most important. You can find his books at his website, chandlercrawford.com, or on Amazon.

27 Comments

Darryl

Mar 30, 2017 at 8:00 am

One of the best articles I’ve read on here. I have met a lot of really good friends on the course, guys I enjoy socialising with outside golf as well. Of all the social recreational endeavours one can pursue in life, I always find golf one of the best ways to make a friend, primarily because people who play on their own of an evening are golf nuts and right away you have that common ground and it means that you will both most likely be of a similar mindset with very similar lifestyles.

Reply Report comment
Sam

Mar 27, 2017 at 10:36 am

The photo, do people really do that on the course?

Reply Report comment
- Double Mocha Man
  
  Mar 29, 2017 at 4:22 pm
  
  Sam, I do that every time I’m able to 2 putt for a par.
  
  Reply Report comment
Bob Jones

Mar 27, 2017 at 10:31 am

You meet strangers and right away be best friends for four hours. This is one of the things I love about golf.

Reply Report comment
Double Mocha Man

Mar 26, 2017 at 8:14 pm

Speaking of small talk… a few years ago I was playing Pebble Beach with two strangers. On the 3rd tee I inquired where they were from. Louisville, Kentucky… around 1 million population. On a lark I asked if they knew Deborah Xxxxxx, my ex who I knew lived there. They both almost fell down. Both were good friends with her and her husband, hanging together and attending the same church, raising their children together! Over the course of the next 15 holes I learned a lot about my ex (hadn’t seen her in over 20 years… good woman) and I shared a few things they didn’t know about her… though I was careful how much I shared. I also learned there was a lot from her past she had never shared with them. Such as me! They didn’t know she had another marriage.

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Double Mocha Man

Mar 26, 2017 at 7:58 pm

I live north of Seattle near the Canadian border. I also often play a course near that border that attracts a lot of Canadian golfers crossing over. Some of the most interesting guys (and gals) I’ve met on the course are Canadian. Good folks.

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KK

Mar 26, 2017 at 3:43 pm

The word “friend” has lost all meaning nowadays.

Reply Report comment
- Scott
  
  Apr 3, 2017 at 12:46 pm
  
  Lighten up. nobody said to invite them to your house for dinner.
  
  Reply Report comment
WolfWRX

Mar 26, 2017 at 7:54 am

Good article. I think it basically boils down to being a decent human being.

I play as a single a lot and in my experience, people often don’t like being paired up with a stranger or someone they don’t know. I’m not sure if it’s nervousness about playing with someone new, but fairly frequently I’ll get the sense from at least one player in a group they are NOT happy about me joining them – usually on the first tee. That said, I try and be friendly and this attitude usually dissipates after the first few holes.

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- Mr. Replier Guy
  
  Mar 26, 2017 at 1:14 pm
  
  Glad to say I’ve never experienced this. I’m in Calif. so maybe it depends where you play.
  
  Reply Report comment
Cael

Mar 26, 2017 at 1:25 am

As I play with the over 60 group most of the time and play as a single a lot, I have found what is mentioned in this article 100% good advice. I have found that if you just play with the attitude I am going to enjoy the company today and let myself enjoy my own play good or bad it works out to be a fine day. For sure if you are younger and/or trying to build and improve your game you need to play alone or with others trying to do the same if you can.

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BD57

Mar 25, 2017 at 10:09 pm

Better yet – don’t get drunk on the golf course, period.

Really not a good place for it, and when you’re done, someone’s going to be driving somewhere.

Reply Report comment
- Adam Crawford
  
  Mar 25, 2017 at 10:43 pm
  
  Couldn’t agree more. I’m totally cool with people having a few drinks during a round. But the getting hammered just takes it too far.
  
  Reply Report comment
CdnAsian

Mar 25, 2017 at 9:36 pm

Knowing when to pick up. Nothing is worse is being on the green and watching your playing partner laying 8 or 9, trying to “salvage the hole”

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Philip

Mar 25, 2017 at 8:55 pm

If there are playing from a tee box you usually do not – just join them on their regular tee box – whether it is closer or farther than usually for you, unless of course you wish to be left alone.

Reply Report comment
- madeinguam81
  
  Mar 25, 2017 at 11:17 pm
  
  I completely disagree with this. Play the tees that are appropriate for you, no matter what the rest of your group is playing. Doing so, doesn’t isolate you. You can still have a great conversation with others who play a different set of tees.
  
  I would argue in the case of playing a set of tees BACK from where you would normally play just to join the rest of the group, the others will most likely be thinking that you should be playing UP a set and that you will most likely slow them down. Not a good start.
  
  Reply Report comment
  - Scott
    
    Apr 3, 2017 at 12:49 pm
    
    I 100% agree. Sure playing up a set of tees from where you normally play may be considered nice, but I still want to play the course that way I want to. And playing back too far could be embarrassing and frustrating for all involved.
    
    Reply Report comment
Golfyguy

Mar 25, 2017 at 7:57 pm

Good article. I started golfing as a single since I retired and really enjoy golfing with people I never met before. Golf gave me the chance to make some new acquaintances this way.

Reply Report comment
- madeinguam81
  
  Mar 25, 2017 at 11:22 pm
  
  I’m in a similar but opposite boat as you. I started playing around 19 and one of the things I liked most was meeting new people, especially people I would never normally come in contact with. I played this local public course that had quite a bit of retirees and I often got paired with older guys in their 60s, 70s, and even 80s. I loved the stories and the overall social aspect of golf.
  
  Reply Report comment
  - Tom
    
    Mar 26, 2017 at 1:00 pm
    
    +1 madeinguam
    
    Reply Report comment
Jonnythec

Mar 25, 2017 at 1:39 pm

Great article..it’s blows me away that dick heads always hit the shank button at the end. Let’s just remove that altogether. Keep up the good work.

Reply Report comment
- izzlist of izzles
  
  Mar 25, 2017 at 3:02 pm
  
  It blows me away when people like jonny call other people names because they didn’t like something he liked.
  
  Reply Report comment
chinchbugs

Mar 25, 2017 at 1:24 pm

Next article…playing golf and influencing people…

Reply Report comment
LaBraeGolfer

Mar 25, 2017 at 10:37 am

Playing through golf now at a golf course in the middle of nowhere today. Couldn’t get my buddies to go and I take every opportunity I can to get out. I like the comments just be respectful and hit the golf shots and don’t take forever and everything will go grand.

Reply Report comment
Egor

Mar 25, 2017 at 10:04 am

No unsolicited advice.

I’m a 3 year player, 12HI and was joined by another single on the second tee. Unusually and from the tips, I hit every fairway and a solid 230-260yds.
On the 9th tee box, he said something like :
“if there was one thing I’d tell you, slow down your tempo, your backswing is too fast”

I wanted to respond with something like – “says the guy who hasn’t out driven me yet, missed3 fairways, and re-teed twice”

I just said “oh, ok”.

We really did have a great time and I’d welcome him to join me again, but I’ve learned in the 3 years I’ve played that you never offer swing advice to people you know without them explicitly asking, let alone to people you just met.

Reply Report comment
- Bishop
  
  Mar 27, 2017 at 2:41 pm
  
  I couldn’t agree more with this. To me, there is nothing more aggravating than when someone gives advice on how I’m hitting the ball. It appears to me that there’s an inverse relationship between the amount of unsolicited advice, and the ability of the golfer. I have yet to meet a scratch golfer who will give me tips, but my friend the 30+ handicapper frequently chimes in with advice when I hit a ball offline.
  
  I also think this was one of the first things I learned when beginning golf four years ago. It should stand as general etiquette.
  
  Reply Report comment
  - IHateLoveGolf
    
    Mar 28, 2017 at 2:13 pm
    
    I think I’m an outlier because I don’t mind when someone gives me a tip. I can’t see my swing and appreciate that they’d take the time (and the risk, apparently) to try to help me out. More often than not the tip is useful, even if it’s counter to what I’m trying to work on that day. If someone won’t shut about it on every hole, then that’s a different story but this game is hard enough – I’m fine with folks trying to make it a little easier for me.
    
    Reply Report comment

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